"It's Time for a New Way of Coaching!" with Cara Meyer, on the Motivation SPACE Assessment, Sports Performance, Expansions, and Dreams.

Transcript:
0:01
Hello everyone, welcome to The Intersection, a podcast program about intersectionality, intersectional identities, and intersectional journeys both professionally and personally.
And as we all know, they are very interconnected.
0:17
And I am your host and producer, Zhoufang.
Today we have another amazing guest coming here to share with us their own journeys and stories and the learning along the way.
Please continue to listen and find out more.
0:33
Welcome.
All right, hello, hello, welcome to the intersection.
Here we are in Portland on this beautiful autumn day and I have these absolute pleasure and honor to welcome a long time friend, actually Kara Meyer, to the program.
0:57
We met like long time ago, really like 10 years.
Ago probably.
It will take so absolutely.
I'm so thrilled to have you here, Kara.
Introduce yourself to us, please.
Thanks so much for having me, Joe.
1:15
My name is Kara Meyer.
Pronounced she her, and I am a sports performance consultant.
Yeah, Joe and I met through the Women's Center for Leadership many years ago.
And yeah, since then have just kind of explored lots of different topics, had you out to the my Homestead.
1:36
And so yeah, it's been nice to stay in touch through the years and and watch our career journeys change and, and greatly flow through all of the changing times.
Yeah, definitely, both of us, I think for you as well.
1:54
And I want to say, you know, the organization where we met does not exist anymore, but we still do.
Yeah, we're here doing the thing.
Yeah.
So I just started my own business about a year ago doing teamwork with sports teams.
2:13
So I help coaches and performance teams to help like navigate the diverse personalities and diverse motivations on their teams so that they can win and find more success with greater ease.
That is wonderful.
2:30
We all know Portland is a really big sports town and you have an art about Portland's Thrones in your background.
I am a Oh yes, yeah.
So right behind me is the A poster thinking Sinclair for her time with the thorns.
2:51
So she was there for, I think, 12 years.
No, not 12 years.
I was trying to see if the poster says it.
Yeah, 12 years.
That's incredible.
That's really cool.
Yeah, so she retired last year.
3:08
So I had some friends.
Some friends gave me this retirement poster.
So you are, so I trust you are a sports person yourself as well, and now you're working with sports teams.
Yeah, so I played soccer when I was young and had both the the experiences of very strong and psychologically savvy coaches to the other end of just a very poor experience of feeling like I wasn't really a part of the team and I was just kind of ignored.
3:47
So having both of those experiences and then as an adult, seeing what team culture can be playing ultimate Frisbee and our community here is very robust and inclusive and wonderful.
Yeah.
4:03
That was just big inspiration for me to realize that I can help other sports teams to experience the good sides that I've experienced and avoid the pitfalls.
How has that been for you since you started it over a year ago?
4:22
It's been good.
I think any independent business owners out there understand the trials and tribulations of what it is to set up your own business and how much there is to learn about yourself and business strategy and marketing that's authentic to who you are.
4:46
That's a big theme for me this month, and I listened to one of your podcasts with another marketer talking about something.
Similar to that, yeah.
Yeah, that was great.
So yeah, it's just it's a learning journey and I'm really motivated by expansion.
5:05
So that's great for me to be able to learn and grow and figure out what my products and services are, how they're going to be most helpful and how to describe them in a way that people understand.
So yeah, it's just about foundation building for the for the last year.
5:25
And I think the next year is going to be more about finding more clients that align with this and could use this.
One of the MLS Academy teams is taking my motivation assessment over the next few weeks.
5:41
So I'm going to support them kind of behind the scenes with that.
So it feels like sharpening that message is working.
And I'm starting to get out to some some soccer teams especially that could use this work.
That's awesome.
5:57
So talk about the motivation space assessment.
I just did the survey.
It's very straightforward, comprehensive as well and some of the questions I find very interesting.
So did you design the assessment?
Talk about it?
6:13
Yeah, I did.
So I built this model called the motivation space model.
So space are that's the five different main motivator areas.
So significance, predictability, autonomy, connection and expansion.
6:33
And just did a lot of research into the neuroscience behind it and the interpersonal neurobiology, which is a new field that I've been exploring over the last six months and how it relates to like our brains.
6:49
And then the social side of that, how do we relate to each other?
So that's that's really at the core of this concept.
Is that traditional teachings on motivation focus on the individual and it's all about, oh, motivate yourself.
7:08
And it's a little bit about maybe tamping down some of the feelings we have and just pushing through.
And that's really not what I found to be most helpful for people, especially neurodivergent people, people with anxiety and depression like myself.
7:27
So just going a little bit deeper into what the social side of that is, how we can support each other and motivation.
And so this assessment is an individual assessment and not at all a personality test, but it is a glimpse of this moment in time and what's motivating you so that you can then talk to your team mates about it and they can have a little bit more insight into maybe your behavior.
7:59
Oh, why, why is she so why does she want to have, you know, check in with me every week or something?
Oh, she's really high in connection and that's really important to her.
And that keeps her motivated and moving toward her goals.
So she's, you know, set up this this method of helping her stay motivated through connection.
8:21
So yeah, it's just a tool that feels very clear and simple that teams can hold onto and and create a shared language around.
That's really cool.
It reminds me.
So doing the survey, I score pretty high on autonomy and I did another, another kind of kind of assessment called human design.
8:46
And my, my type is a manifester.
I feel that makes sense, right?
Like if you need want to manifest something, you have to have autonomy.
So I find that fascinating when you look at the connections between different kind of assessments from different like perspectives, etcetera.
9:10
And you mentioned earlier briefly when we were chatting is you do have a psychology background.
How, how are you using your psychology background into, say, coaching and helping sports teams work together, like as a, as an entity, Not, not just like, oh, I'm going to score the goal, it's my game.
9:35
You know, like, how do you do that?
Yeah, so I got a masters in organizational psychology and my bachelor's was in organizational communication.
So and my my sister is a sociologist.
9:52
So it definitely runs in the family, this social side of our existence and how important it is to us as humans to be connected with others and how that influences our self perception and our experience in our lives and in the world.
10:11
So that give or take, give and take is really important When I see self development and how we want to accomplish our goals or dream, you know, dream big or dream small.
10:29
All of that is impacted by our relationships with each other and our relationships with ourself.
But for me, it is all about that.
It's not so much about only being in your own head and and really just embracing that social side of what it is to be a human.
10:52
That is, I feel that can be applied to just any team.
But when we talk about kind of like a team sport, right?
I feel like there are individual sports like badminton or like ping pong.
11:08
I think that's one kind of sports.
But you mainly work with folks who who need to play together in order to win.
How do you help people really appreciate that and implement it in their day-to-day, say training or like team bonding activities?
11:31
I'm not a sports person, so I'm kind of just imagining it.
So I know some people who are competitive, right?
Like they're like, yes, you know, as a very competitive player, of course I want to stand out.
11:47
But when you mention, you know, the social side, the community side of it, and especially, you know, I'm guessing when you work with teams, a lot of them are maybe younger.
How do you help young people you know, build self-confidence and to be a good team player?
12:11
Yeah, great question.
And that's again where the model comes in handy about that self-awareness and then awareness of your teammates.
And I will say I I love working with sports teams because I like getting everyone in the room together and having these conversations together so that you can tie like, yeah, like find more, find more things that you understand about your teammates and then how you can then support them to be more successful.
12:52
But I will say with individual sports as well, those, those athletes have teams around them.
Like I, I watch the US Open, I love watching tennis.
I think it's one of the most mental sports out there, mentally challenging.
13:09
And you and you see those athletes come off the court and they have a team behind them.
So even in individual sports, I think there's a, a, a big role to be had for, to be to be shared for that kind of collective experience and helping someone accomplish their goals.
13:34
Does that answer your question?
Yes, yes, I think, you know, for, I mean, apparently I know nothing about sports.
Like of course it's never just a one person's game, you know, it takes a village.
So yeah, I think that makes a lot of sense.
13:50
And I think I'm curious also about, you know, we've known each other a long time.
We haven't seen each other a lot over the years.
And you started your practice last year.
So I wonder, I'm really curious about the why behind it.
14:08
Like what encouraged you or made you make that decision?
Like, I'm going to be a sports coach, like coach to help the sports team.
What's the why behind it?
I have so many wise for me, I've been on a path of trying to if we talk for for other psychology people out there, if we're talking about internal family systems or parts work.
14:41
I've been trying to put two parts needs and cram them into my career into one path.
And I've realized recently that that is not really fulfilling the needs of both of those parts.
15:02
So to put it into kind of real life terms, the interdependence of each human or each part that's within us is really important to embrace and respect, right?
15:18
When we talk about diversity and inclusion, like we, we want people to be able to be who they are individually and relate to each other well.
And so that's at the core of my business as well.
15:35
But for me, so that's been a long the journey is that kind of parts work and looking in internally on on that level.
But really as a teenager playing on a soccer team, I had coach Tony and I don't know where Tony is now.
15:55
I have searched the Internet for Tony.
Tony was fantastic.
He was our club soccer coach and he scared the living daylights out of us for the first several weeks of practice.
16:11
We thought he was terrifying and we he we knew we had to get to practice on time.
The minute we got there we were running laps.
I think we had to run a mile under a certain time before we could even start practice.
16:28
And if anyone messed up at all, everyone did push ups.
And that sounds really scared, like intense.
It was a, you know, we were teenagers so we weren't too young but and it was a competitive club team.
16:46
But the thing that he really wanted to get across was that we were a team and that we would not not only have each other's backs when things weren't going well, we also took punishments when we we shared in punishments when one person messed up, like we were a unit.
17:09
Fast forward about two months into the season, Tony let his guard down and we, you know, he would have breakfast with us on tournament days and he would joke with us and stuff like that.
But by the end of that season, we had beat the team that was a a level above us.
17:30
So they were supposed to be way better than us.
They had better players.
They apparently had a better coach.
But we beat the that team because we were more of a unit and because although he had made us feel uncomfortable and like put us on edge, he at the beginning, he really towed that line wonderfully between how much to push your players and how much to support them and doing both of those things.
18:01
So he pushed us to be our best and he bonded us together.
When I think about those days, I think about them so fondly, even though they were really challenging.
And yeah, I, I think more coaches need to be like Tony and we, there's space for that.
18:21
And coaching is hard.
I mean, it is not an easy thing.
I do not think coaches get paid enough.
I don't think they have enough support.
But then you have coaches like Emma Hayes, who's the coach of the US women's national team, and she's really setting a standard for what a good coach looks like and how to embrace team teams and athletes and their needs and being player centric.
18:52
And so I do think it's a time for ushering in a new way of thinking around coaching and how to motivate your players from within and not from this kind of old school, more masculine external approach of just yelling at people or, you know, making them feel uncomfortable.
19:19
I think there's a lot more holistic ways that now we're looking at and more teams are open to embracing.
So seeing those shifts, having my own personal why about, you know, the impact of sport and teams in my life helped me create this path and this business.
19:40
I really appreciate that story.
Thank you.
And I also want to say, you know, this show is not designed to find missing links, but Tony.
Tony, if you're out there, Tony, give us a call.
19:59
Tell us what you're doing, 'cause he told us.
He told us he was an engineer and as teenagers we thought that meant like a train conductor.
Like a trained engineer.
And so I remember for several months that we were like, where's your hat?
20:17
Like, you need a hat.
He's like, no, not that kind of engineer.
What?
Kind of engineer was he?
I mean Wested.
Probably like a mechanical engineer or OK, maybe even like a computer software engineer, I don't know.
20:33
Oh my gosh, You know what you could do?
Just, you know, jokingly is when you feel stuck coaching you.
Like what would Tony do?
Yes, yes, channel my inner Tony.
That would be great.
20:50
I do need to be a little bit more tough than to be in the sports world, that is.
Oh my.
Gosh.
Got to bring some toughness like Tony did.
Oh, that's so funny.
And it's really heartwarming too.
You know you, I don't know, as as children, as teenagers, we don't need that many heroes.
21:11
We just need one.
Yeah.
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, like oftentimes, you know, when when we say, oh, so and so is attention seeking or so and so is acting out.
No, we're just children.
21:28
We just need someone to guide us, that one person.
Yeah.
And that's another reason that I kept getting pulled into this teamwork piece and the leadership development piece because when I was.
21:45
I.
Have worked for tech companies and consulting companies and time and time again I would hear leaders say things like, oh, Jen is just blank.
Like Jen is just difficult or whatever that adjective might be.
22:04
And I always wanted to check them on that to be like, is that person really that way?
Or are you seeing them through your own filters?
And so how, how can we encourage them to take a step beyond their own filters and see Jen for what Jen is, for how Jen defines herself.
22:31
So again, like having this kind of this model, like these are my motivators.
I think it helps people leap over what how they define other people based on their own filters.
And then it creates more room for connection and understanding.
22:49
So I hope that's that's.
Possible.
It's very, very cool because you mentioned, you know, it's time for a new way of coaching and that new way is holistic.
And I think what you just described is kind of like one way to approach holistic coaching is, you know, people are different.
23:15
And the way we see people oftentimes are different from how we see ourselves.
And also, you know, people change.
It's like, I'm totally different from when I was in my 20s.
23:31
So like, I wonder, you know, as you work with young people, people who are still developing their, you know, personhood, could these kind of like motivation space assessment be done like multiple times throughout someone's, you know, sports career?
23:56
A. 100% And that's why I talk about it not as a personality assessment because again, being social beings and having that, that aspect of who we are, where we are in our lives is going to impact what we're motivated by.
24:19
And I've noticed that some people who've taken the assessment have been, they've been like, oh, I, I didn't know that.
I was like, I thought I was more motivated by this, but I'm seeing significance.
24:35
For example, I'm, I'm surprised I'm motivated by that.
I don't feel like I need that.
And as we dig into it, we've realized that they're actually getting significance in their life, right?
That at that point.
24:51
And so that's why they don't feel that need.
It's not a gap for them.
It is something that motivates them, but it's already being fulfilled, so they can focus on that in the future.
Maybe that'll change.
But yeah, the context definitely impacts how people score on certain areas.
25:15
Yeah, I'm sure people learn a lot from these assessments.
And I want to maybe talk about something relevant to your journey 'cause before, well, earlier we were talking about your wise and you did mention, you know, when you were maybe from previous times when you look at your family systems or dynamics and your career path, when you try to kind of like maybe, well, maybe I'm not describing very adequately is that they didn't work together so well, your family system and your career path.
26:01
And you mentioned it wasn't nice, really fulfilling.
So I'm not asking for like history or stories, but what I'm curious about is like right now, you, I mean, I was very fortunate to be invited to your home in Oregon and you are so active and building your country house or homestead, the way you describe it, your homestead in the countryside.
26:35
And well, from what I could see at the time, you looked very happy and fulfilled.
I mean, it's a constant project.
We saw chickens, we saw plants, we saw trees, we saw food.
26:52
And it was wonderful.
And you told me you basically rebuilt your house during COVID.
And it's a lovely home.
And right now, you know, as the seasons change and just like everything else is changing, how would you say you are fulfilled now?
27:19
Such a big question.
I know, take your time.
The short answer is yes, definitely.
There are a lot of so I'm again, I'm high in expansion, so I always want things to I want to be learning more.
27:41
I want to be dreaming and making those things come true, but I do feel very grateful for where I am right now.
My partner and I dreamed up living out here about 15 years ago and it so it was a slow dream in the making.
28:09
And once COVID hit, it was I, I just felt like this fuel to, OK, let's really make this happen.
But yeah, it begs the question, what is fulfillment?
28:25
And for me personally, it is a lot of time for self reflection, for learning and growth, for really investing in my relationships, in my community.
28:43
Especially right now with the political climate, I, it's so important to me to have time to really be with the people that I love and show up for them when they need me.
29:00
So that is really fulfilling right now.
I mean, in the past, I've, when I've been working a lot for someone else, I, at the end of the day, didn't have much to give.
And so, and I remember just being really upset with talking to my sister about this years ago, just feeling like that was such a big missing part of my life to be able to show up for people.
29:27
But my my energy was just depleted.
I have limited energy.
So yeah, being able to do all of those things and then be in nature is very fulfilling.
I love that I, I definitely share that sentiment.
29:50
When I had a, a job, right, like an office job, I would work really hard to do a good job.
But you know, because I gave so much and I burned so much of myself after work.
30:05
I'm just tired, you know, like I, there wasn't so much of me to to give.
And definitely now I feel, you know, it comes with different challenges and obstacles when you are an independent practitioner.
30:22
But I really do think I have more to give back.
Yeah, just personal relationships, community and work relationships.
I feel I have the bandwidth to grow them and I didn't have that capacity before.
30:41
So I really resonated with that.
And I didn't know you all, you and your partner.
You wanted this kind of home like 15 years ago.
And then literally you had a dream and you worked towards it and the dream came true.
30:57
That is so cool.
Yeah, anyone can do that.
You can dream it, and you can build it.
Yeah, it's really awesome because like you said, right now, you know, because of the complexity of our environment, people would share they feel hopeless.
31:15
And, and I mean when we feel very stressed out and hopeless and depleted, we won't be able to dream.
Yeah.
So I really want, you know, listeners, if they can get a message from you is the fact that we all can still have our dream and they can still come true.
31:37
You know, if we, we don't lose their vision.
A. 100%, yeah.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
I mean, that's, I'm really glad you said that because that is something that is a message I, I care a lot about.
31:54
And I, I know that times can be really tough and you can feel like things aren't possible, but there's always whatever that feeling that you want to have more of in your life.
32:13
If you can feel that, it's like sense into that feeling, like, feel it as much as you can where you are right now.
And then try to make steps of like, what's going to what's going to help you feel that way more.
And it, it takes work and it takes like really, you know, being quiet and sensing into that.
32:35
But I, yeah, I we have this short, precious life, and I think it is important to to give ourselves what we're longing for deep in our hearts as much as we can with our given circumstances.
32:54
And I.
Feel your home in nature really helps that when we saw your home, it just feels so expensive.
Like you said expansion and if we were use a different word, I really would just say that's your day-to-day practice of the abundance mindset.
33:17
Like you continuously grow your home like quite literally like with your hands.
And that kind of expansion is so tangible, like you can touch it and also kind of like spiritually it's also very fulfilling.
33:34
So I feel that kind of expansion is just so priceless.
And so I want to invite you to share, perhaps you know, since you're starting your homestead, how have you noticed any changes like from your reflection and day-to-day practice that's.
34:00
Such a good question.
When we moved out here, we had a really strong intention to observe.
34:16
So that word just kept coming back to us.
There's it's, it's that receiving, right?
That's that just learning instead of immediately, whether you're in organization development consulting like I've been or anything, we've been taught to move into a space and change it.
34:42
And so we have, yeah, an intention just to come out here and really watch the birds and see how things change season to season and watch how plants respond to certain changes and just see what we could learn.
35:06
So I think that was a really healthy practice and I try to do that as much as possible, but you can do that in the city as well.
I agree.
So I think, I think that giving myself that space to not to like learn whatever nature or the earth or my forest or my stream is teaching me was probably a shift.
35:32
And just being out of the city life for me was important, to have that quiet, just a quiet, more simple life.
I'm pretty envious, to be honest.
35:50
I mean, I love being in nature.
And, you know, I live in the city.
I've always lived in a city.
And I think, you know, we are so fortunate to be close to nature in the Pacific Northwest, but having the opportunity to be in or like embraced by nature is such a gift.
36:16
I mean, it just makes me feel really warm hearing hearing you say that.
So that's really cool.
Yeah, we wanted to create a space where our friends from the city could also come out here and get that quiet.
And we've always said if you just need to come out and you don't even want to see us, just come walk the trails, whatever you want to do.
36:38
Because that's what I wanted when I lived in the city.
If I if I could just have an escape like that.
But I also don't want to sugarcoat it because we're in a very conservative area and there's some, there's some tricky things about to navigate about our kind of more communal philosophies aren't really reflected in some of the beliefs out here.
37:07
And there are a lot of people that are aligned with us, but there's that.
And so we've, we've learned a lot about what it also what it means to come into a culture that maybe doesn't reflect who we are and how to kind of tiptoe or move in that space.
37:29
And Portland has so many wonderful things about it.
I love going to back to the city to feel embraced by a lot of the different things that the city has going on and the people who really care about each other and want to build great community spaces and companies that serve other people.
37:52
I just had an idea.
What?
We can trade.
Yeah, I'm open to that.
We can swap houses.
Let's do that.
Wouldn't that be?
My house is a lot smaller so I think the value maybe miles.
38:09
Is small too.
It'll be great.
Let's do it and then Henry and Ari will want to hang out though.
Well, we'll make that happen.
They'll be like, just leave us at one of the places and we'll hang out.
Yeah, no, that sounds incredible.
I, I, I mean, it's all about balance, right?
38:26
It's yeah, the city has its wonderful things and the country has its wonderful things.
And how do we get all of our needs met?
Yeah.
And also like, like you mentioned, you know, you don't always necessarily feel like you are in community with the local folks.
38:47
Well, now, now you are local folks too, but you know, people who have lived there for a long time, perhaps you don't always feel in community.
I think it's also just so important to remember who you are.
Like that's, that's not a easy practice.
39:06
It's like day-to-day reminding ourselves, you know, this is where we are, this is who we are and how can we make this work?
It's like constant tweaking I feel.
Yeah, yeah, it's a lot of boundaries work.
39:22
And I've learned a lot about having a thick skin sometimes, I guess, like I'm a very sensitive, sometimes very gentle person.
And so learning about what that means for yeah, having having boundaries and knowing who I am and knowing that sometimes I'm going to have to stand up for something, even if it makes someone else uncomfortable.
39:53
Yeah, especially now, it's like, how can we be clear about what we believe and also be able to communicate that in a thoughtful way, you know, without belittling or diminishing other people?
40:12
'Cause, you know, whether or not we agree with other people, people have their views.
So I feel, you know, going back to our communications backgrounds you and I both have is how can we do that now?
That just seems so hard.
Yeah, it's so much about listening and letting people talk through their own stuff and being curious more than anything, probably.
40:41
I agree.
Just be and sharing physical space with people, just being present.
I think we, yeah, we put so much into the doing side.
Yeah, yeah. non-stop.
40:57
Well, I was doing something.
Yeah, don't rest, yeah.
We don't just be I, yeah, I really love this.
And I would love for more people to find you and find your work and work with you.
41:15
And so how share with us?
How can people find you and contact you?
Yeah.
So my company's name is Conscious Teams and my website iscarameyer.com, CARAMEYE, r.com and I'm on Sub Stack.
41:33
I'm starting my channel there.
So I have some content up and I'm working, yeah, working more on that, doing a little bit on YouTube as well.
Just trying to feel into the if that's a good space for me to share my ideas and thoughts.
And LinkedIn of course.
41:52
Yeah, we'll make sure to have all these links in our show notes and share with the listeners when we publish so that people can find you and contact you and and I look forward to seeing you.
42:08
Yeah, thank you so much for having me.
This has been lovely.
Yeah, it's really awesome.
Oh yeah.
Before we say goodbye to our listeners, if there's one thing about Dream that you can share briefly, especially to young people, whether or not they are in sports, what would you say to them?
42:51
Take 10 or 15 minutes every day to do nothing.
Just sit in quiet.
Lay down in quiet and just breathe.
That's where you're going to really sense into what's coming up.
43:14
Like deeply for you.
What are your what are your dreams, you.
That little voice is such a whisper.
It's very difficult to hear when you're doing a lot of other things.
So if you can regularly just take a few minutes every day just to be silent and just see what comes up, you will overtime probably gain some direction in where you want to go and how you want to go about that, but comes back to rest and just just listening.
43:51
That OK, I'm gonna revise my question to otherwise to everyone, not just young people, yeah.
Yeah, if that was a gift that I could give everyone, it would be that extra 10 minutes a day just to be silent.
44:11
I need that reminder for sure.
Yeah, just 10 minutes, you can do it.
We cannot do it.
Yeah, link it to something you already do, like do it right after lunch or, you know, right after you make your coffee or whatever it is.
Makes it easier to do it.
44:28
Yeah, OK, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to add it to my life practice because I have an intersectional living practice and I have a list that I can see from where I am here and right now I don't have be still and be silent for 10 minutes.
44:49
I'm going to add it there.
Right, I like how tangible you make it.
Yes, got to put it on the list.
Yes, yeah, that is so cool.
And thank you so much, Kara, for coming today.
45:05
Yeah, thanks for having me.
Yeah, let's hang out again soon.
Let's do our house swap.
Yes, I'm, I'm serious about it.
I'm very excited.
OK, Thank you for listening to today's episode of The Intersection.
We hope you enjoyed it and if you like our program, please subscribe and recommend it to your friends and family.
45:27
Our original music is created by my friend Kel Vanzon and I am your host and producer, Joe Fung.
See you next time and take care.